I’m not normally a very stressed person. Anyone who knows me, normally sees me as pretty cool, calm and collected. So last week, I had a bit of a breakdown and it scared the bejeezes out of me. I was trying to make my antioxidant smoothie bowl, made up of a handful of spinach, a handful of cos lettuce, berries, protein powder, ¼ cup coconut milk, maca powder, cinnamon, coconut oil, ¼ avocado and some ice (thanks to mademymia for the recipe) and my blender wouldn’t blend. So I pushed my hand in to smush the ingredients up and ended up slicing my finger on the blade. Normally this wouldn’t bother me, I’d just have a bit of a “what a dick” moment, but instead on that particular morning I found myself bursting into tears, and this pretty much set me up for the day. I struggled quite a bit last week, I was incredibly tired, stressed from work and it then mixed in with being a bit emotional…it didn’t work well for me.
There were a couple of things that I noticed – I haven’t been hungry, at dinner especially and I’ve been waking up at 4am nearly climbing out of bed before I’ve realised I still have an hour more of sleep to go. Work has been quite busy lately, and I was struggling to see how much longer I can keep going the way I’m going. (I will, coz I love my job, but last week was definitely the hardest so far)
I emailed my darling Mia who gave me some amazing ideas. Stress is such a horrible thing to deal with, and people deal with it in so many different ways. I go as follows: fine fine fine fine fine, not fine and crash. I’ll keep going till the very last possible moment.
I really needed to bring my stress levels down. Stress causes adrenaline, which makes your body think it’s going into survival mode – survival mode = body thinking “hey there’s no food so I better hang onto this fat that’s hanging around” which ain’t good, and this mixed in with adrenal fatigue is a recipe for disaster. You can read more about how I’m dealing with that here. So (thanks to Mia’s advice) I ran out and bought some Rescue Remedy. This stuff is amazing. It actually is instant relief. I left my desk and sat in a quiet room and did some deep breathing for 5 mins and then I was good to go. The tears came pretty freely during the 5 minutes, but man I felt better. I can remember using Rescue Remedy as a child before music exams, but never thought of using it as an adult. This stuff will be staying in my handbag from now on.
The other thing that’s been worrying me is my 4am wakeup. It’s never in a panic, I just kind of wake up and start getting up. Or I’ll wakeup already half getting up, or looking at my phone – that was the worrying bit. Anyways, according to Chinese medicine, certain hours of the evening link to certain emotional or physical issues – and 4am is linked to the liver and to grief/loss. I’ve been a bit homesick lately, and this might be my subconscious way of letting my body know about it. This might take bit of time to deal with, but at least I know what might be causing my interrupted sleep. I’ve also started drinking dandelion tea, which is great for the liver.
By the time Friday came around I was done. I just wanted to go home straight after work and cry in a corner. Technically, I needed to go to the gym, I had only had 2 workouts that week, and there was a tiny part of me that still thought it would be a good idea. But I rebelled. I went home and I think it was the best decision I could ever have made. So what did I do instead? I got home early and sat up with my future mother in law and had few wines and talked about my childhood. She’s a pretty spectacular lady who I’m very blessed to have in my life, she had picked me up from the train station and we had a good old gasbag about everything and anything. My boyfriend came home after work and we watched a movie (well I feel asleep and he watched it) it was perfect.
Saturday morning I woke up with a decision. I was going to take the weekend off – no stressing about food, exercise, weights, work..anything… I was just going to do and eat whatever felt natural.
Saturday my darling boyfriend took me shopping. Yep, he’s one of those boyfriends… He knew I was feeling crappy, and had discovered a new shop that he knew I would love, so Saturday he took me out for a green juice and then to shop. I ended up falling in love with quite a few of the clothes, and my poor credit card took a beating. BUT the best thing about this shopping trip? COMPLIMENTS. SO MANY COMPLIMENTS. The girls in the shop all complimented me on my figure and how good the clothes looked, random strangers told me I looked beautiful and my darling boyfriend made me feel like a million dollars. It’s been a while since I felt like this, and I embraced every second. The shop was called Retrobilia – you can check out their stuff here. I’ve always been quite a fan of the 50s and 60s rockabilly style – and it seems my body is a fan as well. I used to do a bit of burlesque dancing, so it was nice to get close to that again. Burlesque was a fun time for me, and I would seriously suggest every woman gives it a go. It’s such a great way to become familiar with your body – and you really learn to love all those curves (as well as learn some saucy moves for the bedroom). Anyways, here are a few photos from my shopping trip.
I also relaxed up a little bit on my food this weekend. This didn’t mean that I ate crap all weekend, and overate during every meal – but I ate what felt and tasted natural, and as it turned out – this was all pretty close to what I would eat normally (plus some cake and icecream). It was just so nice to shut off for the weekend and concentrate on relaxing and rejuvenating.
And now? I’m back in the gym with Mark and shit it felt good. My weight? Hasn’t changed. My mind however feels refreshed and repowered. Ready to hit it hard this week. I can do this, and I will.
The Girl Who Lifts