Thegirlwholifts lost her mojo this past week. I don’t know where it went, but I struggled to get it back. My weight was getting me down and I lost sight of what was really important. My brain keeps coming back to weight loss, and I’m becoming quite fixated on it, which isn’t good. When I get depressed about it, it seems my whole body follows pretty quickly. I got tired and run down, I forgot the basics of what I was doing, which sets off my emotional eating, which sets off the guilt, which sets off another round of depression – it’s a vicious cycle. A vicious cycle that came at terrible timing – Easter DID NOT help things. WAY too much chocolate was consumed. The good thing is that I’ve kept up with my training – THAT I am proud of. I’m pretty lucky to have Mark from Top Health PT pushing me along – we got through it pretty well actually. I manage to squat out 5 sets of 5: 60kg, 65kg and 67.5kg squats. Impressive for a bad week, if I may say so myself!

I found myself staring at my vision board this morning, trying to find the motivation that it gave me a few weeks ago. I stared at the photos, remembering the feeling I had when they were taken, and what they mean to me, I read my goals, I read my key words – words like strength, happy, love, family, friends, exercise, sunshine (things that mean something to me) – and I realised there was a word missing from it – SKINNY. Not once, has this mission been about being skinny, it was always been about my health, and getting to a healthy, happy place.

I’ve always been a big girl, but I’ve always hated it. I got teased, called fat, told by doctors that all of my PCOS issues and endometriosis would be magically cured if I just lost a few kgs. I’ve always wanted to be skinny. But skinny isn’t the answer – healthy is. And I need to remind myself of this. Everyday. Yes, I have a goal weight, but does this translate to being skinny? In my mind maybe…but to the rest of the world probably not.  Healthy to me is quite easy to put into words, skinny is just an image in my mind. A girl wrote a beautiful article on Stuff.co.nz today that brought me to tears because of how true it rung to me. You can read it here.

In the world of the internet, skinny has some pretty bad connotations – anorexic, unhealthy, ugly…so why is it something so many of us “big” girls strive for?

This leads me to my next question – What stipulates healthy? A “normal” BMI? A size 6? Being able to run 10k? Being happy?

Here’s what it means to me

–        Getting off metformin, which I’m on for my PCOS
–        Getting my hormones back to a normal balance
–        Getting down to 80kgs
–        Being happy
–        Being content

Mia (my food angel) has got me taking B vitamins, and I think they kicked in today as well. Coz I found my mojo. I’ve never been a vitamin taker and I wish that I’d gotten on this train earlier. B vitamins help with relieving stress, supporting the body through physical and mental health, energy, healthy nervous and cardiovascular system. MY GOSH they have helped. I had my buzz back today, and it was magical.

So skinny vs healthy… what do you prefer?

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The Girl Who Lifts

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4 comments on “Skinny vs Healthy”

  1. Loved reading this, its how every girl feels on a bad day. Always feels good to read through someone else’s thoughts and know you’re not being silly having a “bad week”. From now on Lets not call it a bad week, but the week that we weren’t as awesome as we were last week, not at your ultimate peak of awesomeness but still always amazing 🙂

  2. This is an internal battle so many of us face! I hate being big too, but I figure a slow, steady, dedicated return to healthy living and exercise is a good long term solution. You seem to be on the same track, I’m sure you’ll get the happy place. 🙂

  3. I prefer healthy to skinny. I feel better after power-walking for an hour than I do from not eating 🙂

    I exercise because it makes me feel better mentally, and because it makes me fitter. Have you ever thought about going to a yoga class? The benefits are threefold, firstly, people of all size and shapes do it – so it gives you that kick in the pants to remind you that being skinny isn’t the be all and end all. Secondly, it teaches you how to be calm, so you deal with those fight or flight situations, and thirdly it is great cardio work and increases your flexibility! Give it a go!

    From an old RR classmate (who loves this blog!)

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